Why Therapy Can't Fix Abusive Men | The Truth About Misogyny vs Mental Health | Ep. 005

This episode is going to challenge everything you've been told about abusive men and why they do what they do. We're ditching the "he's just hurt" narrative and getting real about what's actually happening here.

What You'll Learn:

• Why therapy can't fix what isn't actually broken (spoiler: it's working exactly as designed)

• The difference between trauma responses and entitlement

• How seven systems work together to normalize abuse and make you question your reality

• Why asking "why won't he change?" is the wrong question entirely

• The truth about how you were groomed to abandon yourself

Key Takeaways:

His behavior isn't about his childhood trauma - it's about a belief system that says he's entitled to your compliance. Individual and couples therapy won’t make him get better. The systems protecting him aren't broken; they're working perfectly. You weren't overreacting - you were adapting to survive in a culture designed to keep you small. Understanding this isn't about blame; it's about clarity and your freedom

This one's heavy but necessary. If you've ever wondered why he seemed so aware of his impact but kept doing it anyway, or why everyone around you kept making excuses for his behavior, this episode will give you the clarity you've been searching for.

Transcript

00:00:00:04 - 00:00:08:17
[Music]


00:00:08:19 - 00:00:18:22
Lisa Sonni
This is real talk with Lisa Sunny, Relationships Uncensored, the podcast. They don't want you listening to.

00:00:19:00 - 00:00:43:14
Lisa Sonni
Individual therapy won't work for abusive men because misogyny isn't a mental health issue. So I first heard that in a video by therapist Aisha Greenberg, and it was absolutely powerful. Like literally stopped me in my tracks. Because the truth is, we've been told to analyze, to explain, to empathize with men who are actively harming us instead of confronting the culture that actually enables them.

00:00:43:16 - 00:01:03:22
Lisa Sonni
This culture is the patriarchy. This culture is everywhere. It hurts men and it hurts women. Now, I keep hearing women say this often online that men are our apex predator. It just means basically our top predator. It sounds awful, but stats really back this up. We want so badly for this to be trauma, right? It's not misogyny. It's trauma.

00:01:03:22 - 00:01:23:03
Lisa Sonni
They need to heal. They need to go to therapy. But it's not trauma. It's entitlement. Trauma feels fixable, right? Entitlement is just kind of who they are when nobody else is watching. So if you've been asking yourself why he won't change, maybe you should start asking yourself why he should. When the entire world hands him a free pass.

00:01:23:07 - 00:01:41:10
Lisa Sonni
I was once talking to Chuck Dary. He's the founder of the Gender Violence Institute, and he himself, who spent his life devoted to talking about gender based violence, has even said that he realized there was something that he actually had to give up to get into this world and talk about this. He had to give up a ton of benefits.

00:01:41:10 - 00:02:00:06
Lisa Sonni
And trust me when I say I know all these men, all these misogynistic men claim that there are no benefits, but there are. This podcast is about the seven systems, these seven sort of layers of normalization that made abuse look like confusion instead of control. So let's talk about the patriarchy, because you literally can't have this conversation without just naming it.

00:02:00:06 - 00:02:22:12
Lisa Sonni
Right. This is not dysfunction. It's actually functionality that benefits men and bleeds women. The patriarchy gives men permission and it gives women penalties. The truth is it harms everybody. And yet men hold on to it so tightly, despite all the ways that it harms them. And they're the first ones to name it. Men's rates of analyzing themselves are higher.

00:02:22:12 - 00:02:38:11
Lisa Sonni
Men's homelessness rates are higher. They have so many issues, and I completely understand that and I respect that. But it's the patriarchy that drives these things, however, because it also gives them power. A lot of men don't want to give it up. I see it a lot. Is this sort of like, you want your cake and you want to eat it too?

00:02:38:12 - 00:02:58:22
Lisa Sonni
You can't really have both. You can't have all the power and know issues that come with that. The patriarchy is a system of society that just gives men more power just for being a man. It's also a system that misogynistic men deny exists. But women are told to prevent male violence by adjusting their behavior. And men are rarely told to unlearn it.

00:02:59:02 - 00:03:18:07
Lisa Sonni
Women literally have to earn their safety. I've been seeing all these videos lately where men are calling themselves protectors or providers, or a video of a woman showing how a man didn't protect her. And then men are saying, why should he protect you? He doesn't even know you. You have to earn that. That's exactly the point. You earn it by being in a relationship with them, right?

00:03:18:09 - 00:03:44:06
Lisa Sonni
And yet the men that are in relationships with women are the biggest predators. They're causing the most harm. So what is it that a woman actually has to do to earn it? She's not going to get it from strangers and she's not getting protected from her loved ones. So make it make sense. So much of this has to do with the transaction of earning your safety through compliance, through respecting them. Because so many men will say that if you quote disrespect them, then what did you expect?

00:03:44:06 - 00:04:06:19
Lisa Sonni
Right? You you were not respectful. So you don't get to earn your own safety, your own bodily autonomy. This is why men who yell are considered passionate, right? But women who assert boundaries, they're unstable. Now, that whole not all men thing, right? That just derails the conversation. And yet nearly every woman has a story. One thing I hear a lot is not all men, but every woman.

00:04:06:21 - 00:04:27:15
Lisa Sonni
And that is unbelievably true. Men don't seem to have any friends or know anyone that would ever do such a thing. And yet women are saying that these men are everywhere. Misogyny doesn't actually just show up in abuse, right? It shows up in who's believed, who's promoted, who's forgiven, who. The systems support, and the system doesn't actually need to silence you.

00:04:27:18 - 00:04:52:04
Lisa Sonni
It just needs to teach you that silence is safer. And that is what it teaches women, that our silence is what earns us the safety. But meanwhile, even when we're silent, we're still not safe. Misogyny thrives when it hides behind this politeness, this charisma or credentials. I'm telling you, one of the craziest things that I've learned throughout my working in domestic violence is that it's always going to be the nice guy.

00:04:52:09 - 00:05:13:04
Lisa Sonni
Now, every video I've ever made talking about the nice guy being an abuser, it's like, oh, so now being nice is abusive, which I think is just men often willfully missing the point because a truly nice, which really means kind man wouldn't think like that, wouldn't even respond that way. If you're nice, suddenly that earns you something, right?

00:05:13:04 - 00:05:34:13
Lisa Sonni
That's the transaction. And I mean, you even see that when it comes to a date. I saw a video earlier today that even said that he spent $120 on dinner. Why was he driving home alone? Well, what did he expect? Right? He expected that $120 would purchase an intimate moment with her. That's entitlement. That's an abusive mindset. That's misogyny.

00:05:34:17 - 00:05:59:13
Lisa Sonni
His expectation is coming from the patriarchy where he feels that he has earned that. And there's this entire belief, right, that women are responsible for men's behavior. That's misogyny. People always blame mothers for that. It's not a parenting issue. There's fundamentally like a core belief that there's something that women can do that would justify men's abuse, right? He yelled, well, what happened before that?

00:05:59:15 - 00:06:19:01
Lisa Sonni
Why does it actually matter what happened before that? There's this assumption that women have this ability to provoke men. And in fact, this belief is wildly harmful to men, which is the part that I swear they're all missing on purpose. What I hear when someone blames women for how men behave is that men can't control themselves, which is absolutely false.

00:06:19:02 - 00:06:37:07
Lisa Sonni
It also doesn't make any sense, right? Because if you have all the power and simultaneously you have no power, it's actually women that have all the power to make a man behave any which way. She can create this monster. He's not responsible for himself. He's not accountable for himself. And yet women have the reputation that they never take. Accountability. And listen,

00:06:37:07 - 00:06:56:07
Lisa Sonni
the truth is, I sincerely hope that men aren't even listening to this because they always seem to have something to say against women, and all it does is reinforce the misogyny that we're talking about. One of the craziest things about the patriarchy is, yes, it elevates men, but that's not the only thing it does. It grooms women to accommodate their own harm.

00:06:56:11 - 00:07:17:18
Lisa Sonni
This whole thing with men and respect, right? Men value respect. But what is respect to this type of man? To me, it's been compliance and submission. You need to be more this, less of that, and then you've earned the right to be safe in your own home. Except that you are not safe in your own home. The men who do the most damage often have the most social protection.

00:07:17:18 - 00:07:37:06
Lisa Sonni
So let's kind of shift this and talk about the conditioning. This is how you learned to stay in something that was toxic or abusive. I know the whole thing, right. That trope women are just weak. These women don't have self-esteem. But the truth is, you were groomed by culture, by language, and by expectations. And women are misogynistic too.

00:07:37:09 - 00:07:57:12
Lisa Sonni
We don't get to escape that. You see it constantly. You learn early that love had to be earned, and that comes from caretaking or emotional labor or silence, or being the good girl, being the nice girl. Be nice. It's always drilled into women, not be discerning. And yet, when we're older, it's. You picked him. You chose him. You stayed.

00:07:57:16 - 00:08:19:14
Lisa Sonni
Meanwhile, we were never taught to be discerning. In fact, we are literally conditioned to make relationship decisions based on how we feel. You know, the heart wants what the heart wants. We need to be using logic. We were not taught that someone not liking you back isn't your failure. It's their clarity. And I swear, so many of us learned that being chosen by a man is our worth.

00:08:19:20 - 00:08:37:22
Lisa Sonni
So we ignore the cost of that choice. I mean, literally think about this whole concept that you see in comment sections and in real life, every single day. With that attitude, you're going to be single. Ooh, you're going to die alone. No man would want you like this. No man would want you because you're supposed to want to have one.

00:08:38:00 - 00:08:53:15
Lisa Sonni
And if you don't have one, something is wrong with you. Meanwhile, I tell you, after all these years, I have come to the belief that that is the easiest thing you could ever get. It is not hard to get a man. It's hard to get a good man. And there's a reason for that. You weren't raised to trust your gut, right?

00:08:53:15 - 00:09:19:11
Lisa Sonni
You were raised to prioritize other people's comfort. And where did that get you? Where did that lead you into terrible, toxic, harmful, abusive relationships? And again, this is coming at us from all directions. We're not just talking about romantic partnerships. Tough love became a way to normalize emotional abandonment and just call it strength. So if you had a people pleasing streak, it wasn't your personality, it was your protection strategy.

00:09:19:12 - 00:09:41:05
Lisa Sonni
And we don't even recognize it. There's always some kind of punishment or consequence if you're not pleasing others, but that leads you right into finding an abuser, finding at work you were taught that women are caregivers, not question-askers Wanting respect is labeled as needy, and wanting honesty is insecure. This is how we get trained and conditioned to fawn and freeze. And then we get praised for it.

00:09:41:06 - 00:10:00:11
Lisa Sonni
Fundamentally, there's these four trauma responses. Everybody talks about fight or flight, but it's fight, flight, freeze or fun. And I know for me I kind of oscillated between fight and fawn. And they're really different from each other. So it was really jarring to me. But I was always trying to earn my safety by managing his mood and making sure that everything was okay.

00:10:00:12 - 00:10:16:20
Lisa Sonni
Trying to see if he was good today so that I knew that the day wouldn't be ruined. He wouldn't pick a fight. He wouldn't just make it awful. Then so many people will say, you stayed or they couldn't tell that you were being abused. How are you being abused so that you make him dinner? Like, have you ever asked what happens if you don't make him dinner?

00:10:17:01 - 00:10:42:03
Lisa Sonni
Have you ever thought about what actually happens and then we think, oh well, he's not hitting her, so then it's not that bad. No fan responses are natural. We don't get to choose which trauma response we're facing. So easy to say. You should have left. Meanwhile, you're not the one that's in the relationship. You have no idea. And I even see these situations where a domestic violence survivor shames another survivor because they didn't get out fast enough, or they didn't get out in the right way.

00:10:42:08 - 00:11:04:15
Lisa Sonni
Hey, I was being abused and I left, so you should be able to as well. Meanwhile, our trauma responses are different. Our life experiences are different. Our conditioning is different. You don't know how the person was raised. So on that note, we've got the family system, right. Your dads, your brothers, your male figures. Even good dads can accidentally teach really toxic lessons by what they model or what they excuse.

00:11:04:20 - 00:11:23:04
Lisa Sonni
Maybe you watched your mom become so small that he wouldn't explode, or so that he would stay. Maybe your dad taught your brother how to fix things, and your mom taught you how to cook. That's misogyny. So many people grew up hearing. Just wait till your father gets home. That's misogyny. Telling little boys not to throw like a girl, right?

00:11:23:04 - 00:11:44:18
Lisa Sonni
The worst thing the little boy can be is like a girl. Girls hear that, boys hear that? How do you think that that message is internalized? And all of this. Women are just expected to be silent. Silence wasn't just tolerated. It's expected because you're a woman. You're not supposed to talk back. That's disrespectful to be more obedient. Otherwise, you're being disrespectful

00:11:44:18 - 00:12:07:14
Lisa Sonni
if you ever call out injustice. Disrespectful. But if he was calling something out or being disrespectful, that's different because he's the man of the house. Even between siblings, right? I hear so often from my clients that their brothers were treated wildly differently than they are. You have this different set of expectations and it can be really confusing. And again, people are going to internalize that. Boys will be boys.

00:12:07:14 - 00:12:27:20
Lisa Sonni
It's one of the most dangerous things. Now I own a sweatshirt that literally says boys will be held accountable. And I wear that whenever I'm around a group of men. Maybe you've never even heard a sincere apology from an adult male in your house. Because what does an apology mean, right? He did something wrong. He's flawed. It's disrespectful to even expect that from a man.

00:12:27:20 - 00:12:47:20
Lisa Sonni
And for anybody that grew up with a dad, that was really, like, explosive anger, got mad. You had to be a certain way, then I'm sure that discomfort around male anger became normal for you. So later it becomes expected in relationships. Well, that's just men. What are you going to do? Right? Men get mad, men yell. That's just how men are.

00:12:48:01 - 00:13:09:22
Lisa Sonni
And the truth is, that is a lie. That is not just how men are. It is not biological. It's socialized and that matters. That distinction is a really important one. Boys and girls need to see a softness in their fathers. They need to see a nurturing side. And I'm telling you, it's there. What if your value in the family was tied to being the one that held everyone together? Right?

00:13:09:22 - 00:13:27:08
Lisa Sonni
You're the caretaker. You're the fixer. You fall into these roles when you get into a relationship. When you're an adult, you don't get told to trust your emotions. you're just told to get over them. And we're not even taught how to get over them, how to process them, what repair in a relationship actually looks like. Maybe it wasn't safe to be messy, right?

00:13:27:08 - 00:13:46:15
Lisa Sonni
And if it wasn't safe to be messy, then it's not safe to be angry. It's not safe to be real. So you learn to hide yourself. And if that becomes your normal, what kind of relationship can you expect as an adult? Right. All of this, this whole cycle from your childhood didn't just create pain. It actually shapes your definition of safety. Now let's

00:13:46:15 - 00:14:05:00
Lisa Sonni
talk about how this happens in the church. Now, full disclosure this is not where I grew up. I did not grow up with a particularly religious background, but I sit in front of women who are very religious and very attached to their faith in my sessions constantly. Church is where control was made. Holy, right? Self erasure, that is a virtue.

00:14:05:02 - 00:14:25:04
Lisa Sonni
Scripture was used like a leash, right? It binds you into submission and everybody around you is going to call it love. You hear things like God hates divorce and that is so much louder than God hates abuse. The Bible and women's faith is constantly weaponized against them. Your body gets policed. Your desires are shamed. Your voice is silenced.

00:14:25:08 - 00:14:42:21
Lisa Sonni
And it might be extreme, but actually, there's this viral video, right at the moment, of this pastor, I forget his name, saying that if a man hit his wife and she calls the police, she's the problem. She's horrible. Yeah, okay. That's really outspoken, right? That's a bad example. And so many people want to say that guy is not a real Christian.

00:14:42:23 - 00:15:06:20
Lisa Sonni
That guy is a Christian calling himself a Christian. Who's stopping him? That example that's really loud, that's really outspoken. And I agree that it's often so much more quiet, but it's there. And I often wonder the fact that it's more quiet, more consistent, and coming at you from every direction. It feels more real. It feels more true. Women are constantly being told to be patient with the harm that's coming at them because, you know, endurance is holy, right?

00:15:06:21 - 00:15:26:19
Lisa Sonni
Forgiveness is mandatory. I have a client that actually said that when her husband hit her, the only question. Not the first question. The only question that her pastor asked her was, did you forgive him? Like, that's all he wanted to know because that was the only thing that mattered not. Are you okay? Not are you safe? Not. Oh my God, what happened?

00:15:27:00 - 00:15:45:06
Lisa Sonni
Do you need anything? Can we give you any resources? Do you want to contact the police? Her suffering was her sacrifice. And it's called maturity, right? Women are expected to just instantly forgive, right? But they're not actually taught how to protect themselves. I always find it so interesting how we're cherry picking parts of the Bible. What happened to mutual respect?

00:15:45:07 - 00:16:05:12
Lisa Sonni
What happened to submitting to each other? Male leaders are always going to be elevated. And women, they're volunteers, right? Be humble. That's used to keep women compliant. Abusive men. Toxic men. They get restored in Christ, and their victims are told to let go of bitterness. You didn't lose faith. You lost the trust in the way that it was weaponized.

00:16:05:13 - 00:16:22:13
Lisa Sonni
Okay, so in the workplace, this is where patriarchy pretends to be professional, right? Male colleagues get praised for being assertive, and you're told to soften your tone. You're told that you're being too aggressive. Maybe that was just me. I mean, if you're a woman in the workforce, I bet you've watched a man repeat your idea and be celebrated for it.

00:16:22:14 - 00:16:43:06
Lisa Sonni
You've had to water yourself down to be heard and you still get labeled as too much. I once came to realize that this man, who is my equal in another department, made $14,000 more than me a year. This guy was a first time director. Way less experience. I had a proven record. Same title, same job. Why? His team didn't even like him or respect him.

00:16:43:12 - 00:16:59:06
Lisa Sonni
People say, oh, there's laws to protect women against that, right? You should have been paid the same thing. Yeah, there's laws in place. And yet there we were. You bet. I asked for a raise. And interestingly, I got it. But I got it because I demanded it in the most polite way that I could. Because, you know, I'm a woman.

00:16:59:10 - 00:17:19:06
Lisa Sonni
Women are smiling at inappropriate comments to keep their job. I did it all the time. I remember I was asked in meetings to be the one to take notes if I was the only woman, because as a director, I was obviously around a lot of men who were also directors. But I just got myself to a point where I was like, no, I would look at the most junior man in the room, and I would suggest that he take notes or that everyone just takes their own notes.

00:17:19:06 - 00:17:39:10
Lisa Sonni
All these leadership programs write. They teach women confidence, but they never teach men accountability. That's what it is to be a good leader. And men may not even have this skill, but they'll still be put in a leadership position. Every woman I know has overworked to prove that she belongs in a room full of underqualified men. When men are promoted, they're seen as rising stars.

00:17:39:10 - 00:18:02:16
Lisa Sonni
Right. And when women are, they're seen as lucky. I will never forget this one meeting where I was completely dismissed and I was leading the meeting. The men around me literally needed the information that I was sharing to effectively do their jobs. That didn't matter at all. In another circumstance, I watched these two amazing blond women be called blond twins by a senior executive who they had never even met when they walked into the room.

00:18:02:18 - 00:18:23:03
Lisa Sonni
Both of them were absolutely shocked. Not to mention they were in no way twins. And what an inappropriate comment. The guy who said it was the senior vice president of the entire company that demonstrates that men can be mediocre and still lead. Women have to be exceptional to even be tolerated. You felt it right. The pressure to be likable and invisible at the exact same time.

00:18:23:06 - 00:18:44:23
Lisa Sonni
Now, in romantic relationships, I get it. This is where it feels the most personal. Because this gets intimate and really the most dangerous. Men expect care without giving care. They expect access without respect. He's a good guy, deep down, but only when it benefits him, right? I'm telling you, the biggest red flag that I missed in hindsight was that my abuser called his mom the B-word.

00:18:45:02 - 00:19:06:23
Lisa Sonni
He called his sisters the C word so often. Maybe your abuser used therapy words, right? But they never applied to him. He wasn't emotionally unavailable. He was emotionally entitled. And the thing that we're all missing is that trauma does not cause abusive ness. It is a factor. And it is not the cause, the cause of abusive ness. Fundamentally, it's entitlement.

00:19:07:01 - 00:19:28:10
Lisa Sonni
It's misogyny. It's a belief system. That is why therapy is not going to work. Because misogyny is not a mental health issue. If you have boundaries, you're crazy, you're dramatic, you're needy. You're controlling. None of this is accurate. And yet we get labeled that all the time. You weren't allowed to name what was happening because naming it meant it had to change.

00:19:28:10 - 00:19:44:13
Lisa Sonni
And that is not happening when you're dating or married to someone who's abusive. He was kind when he wanted to be, and it was cruel when it counted, right. The truth is, I never saw my abuser as controlling when I was in it. One thing that I really realized that was kind of interesting because it's a bit different than what people expect.

00:19:44:18 - 00:20:00:19
Lisa Sonni
I think with control you often expect to see you can't go there or you can't wear your hair like that. Coercive control might even be you can go, no problem. I let you do whatever you want, and then you're punished, right? There's some kind of consequence. What was happening to me was definitely more along the lines of coercive control.

00:20:00:19 - 00:20:17:18
Lisa Sonni
But I actually noticed in hindsight because I didn't see this when I was in it, that it was a lot of praise. Right? I got the good girl praise. I love that I always know where you are. I love that you aren't one of those women that run around and do those things. So it was this praise that I realized I was actually seeking his validation.

00:20:17:18 - 00:20:44:17
Lisa Sonni
I wanted him to see me that way and he praised me for it. So I performed. And the truth is, we don't attract this kind of dysfunction. We get targeted for our empathy, for our loyalty. So if he treats strangers better than you, it's clearly not about his capacity, right? It's about his choices. You can see in those cases that he is capable, and he's doing it undoubtedly to be very strategic so that other people are like, but wow, Kevin's such a nice guy.

00:20:44:17 - 00:21:02:03
Lisa Sonni
I don't have that experience with him. Are you sure it's not you? That's the whole point. And this isn't just about him, right? It's about everything around him that tells him constantly that he's right. This is the patriarchy. This is the world that we live in. When he raised his voice, they ask what you did when you cried.

00:21:02:03 - 00:21:21:17
Lisa Sonni
They said you were unstable, right? You were asked to see his potential. Right? But he's not going to see your pain. The justice system, family therapy, church. Everybody's asking you to just give him another chance. And people praise you for staying like, ooh, how long have you been married? They shame you for leaving. Oh, divorced. Oh, that's not good.

00:21:21:20 - 00:21:42:04
Lisa Sonni
But, like, it's completely confusing. It's almost like women are always wrong. But at the end of the day, the system doesn't need to be fair. It just needs to be survivable for him. Right? You get told to work on your triggers to be calmer. He was never told to stop triggering them, and at the end of the day, he doesn't act alone because he's enabled by a culture that excuses male harm.

00:21:42:06 - 00:22:03:03
Lisa Sonni
That's not brokenness. That is structure. You were not overreacting. You were trying to survive what? Nobody names. And that's what we do on this podcast. We name it, we expose it, we drag it out of the shadows into the light. You didn't just survive the relationship. You survived the entire culture that kept you in it. And hey, we're still living in the patriarchy, so you're surviving it every day.

00:22:03:09 - 00:22:24:14
Lisa Sonni
Women question their worth every time they ask for basic respect. And we abandon our intuition because it makes other people uncomfortable, right? So we trade our softness for silence just to be safe. And the irony is that we're still not safe. You beg to be understood instead of just expecting to be treated well. You feel crazy for feeling pain in a world that says, hey, that's normal.

00:22:24:14 - 00:22:43:01
Lisa Sonni
I don't know, I just see women give up things that nobody even sees right there, joy there sparkle, the rest there ease. You keep showing up for these men who never see you, but it's because you were taught to. And more specifically, you were conditioned to. But you're here now. And honestly, that matters more than anything else. This isn't bitterness, it's clarity.

00:22:43:01 - 00:23:04:15
Lisa Sonni
And it's going to save you. In fact, let's just pause here for a quick moment because the word bitter, I swear I want to get t shirts made. Women are called bitter. I feel like that's the word of misogynists, right? You're just bitter. She's so bitter. She's bitter. She's angry, but it's justified. It's righteous. Men would be unbelieving, lovably bitter if they experienced what women are experiencing.

00:23:04:18 - 00:23:26:07
Lisa Sonni
But that word is used constantly and it infuriates me. But actually, it infuriates me even more when you see women calling other women bitter because you're just using words of the patriarchy, words of oppression against other women. It's wild. I just want you to know that you didn't fail to fix him. He was never trying to heal. He's not interested in being fixed.

00:23:26:07 - 00:23:46:08
Lisa Sonni
Everything's working. Just fine for him. He's not broken. He is benefiting from this system. And he's benefiting from your continued effort to try to change him and heal him. This is not your shame to carry. It's actually your system to leave behind. And I feel like saying hashtag smash the patriarchy right here. This episode, it's not about him.

00:23:46:08 - 00:24:08:03
Lisa Sonni
Whoever the him in your life is, it's about you and how ready you are to just stop negotiating your worth in this world. Next week, Aisha Greenberg and I are unpacking that lie that we were all sold. That if we love him hard enough, he'll change. But today, let this moment be the moment that you stop waiting for him to heal and start choosing yourself.

00:24:08:05 - 00:24:17:14
Lisa Sonni
If this episode gave you clarity. Share it with someone who needs it. Thanks for being here and for being honest with yourself. And remember, you're stronger than before.

00:24:17:16 - 00:24:21:20
[Music]
Stronger than before.